A Kid’s Dream Job: Canadian Company Is Hiring A Chief Candy Officer

Someone tell Canada or New Jersey to make every kid’s dream come true and create an exemption to their child labor laws. Canadian candy manufacturer, Candy Funhouse, intends to hire a Chief Candy Officer to work out of its Canadian or New Jersey locations. Where was this job when I was a brimming genius of ten?

The Chief Candy Officer will serve as the head taster for Candy Funhouse, and he or she will be paid $78,000 to taste about 113 candies per day. Well, not just for tasting candy. The CCO will also be expected to run candy board meetings and lead the development of Candy Funhouse’s product strategies.

I still have a notoriously ferocious sweet tooth, but even I cannot fathom tasting 113 candies per day. I wonder if Candy Funhouse will build an internal trampoline park for the CCO so he or she can work off the sugar highs. On another note, I wonder if increased health benefits are part of the deal too. Were I a gambling man, I would start pools on how long before the CCO developed an ulcer, became diabetic, and had his first sugar diarrhea attack. I am sure I could get enough takers for additional pools on monthly and annual weight gains.

I wonder if the CCO will sue Candy Funhouse some day for undisclosed work hazards after so much required candy consumption. Thereafter, we will witness the rise of workplace regulations for candy tasters because Uncle Sam and the many little Sams called states will dump cold water on the fun.

Tongue-in-cheek comments aside, good luck to everyone applying for the dream job! Every kid will be living through you!

Cameron L. Atkinson

Cameron Atkinson is a Christian, a published constitutional scholar, a trial and appellate lawyer, and a general hell-raiser. He has received national recognition for his victories in civil rights cases, especially in First Amendment cases. Attorney Atkinson stands out for his written advocacy, and he has taken the lead role in briefing cases to the United States Supreme Court, the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, the Connecticut Supreme Court, the Connecticut Appellate Court, and multiple New York appellate courts. Attorney Atkinson has successfully represented clients facing criminal charges, including successfully arguing for the reversal of a sexual assault conviction before the Connecticut Supreme Court. He will accept requests for public speaking engagements on a case-by-case basis.

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